If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be
by Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Summary: One-shot, the relationship from Ashley's perspective. Hope you like it!


**One-Shot – Ashley's perspective on the relationship.**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own the characters.**

**If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be**

I walk into my bedroom and see you on my bed, snuggled up to my pillows. It's got to be a dream, I'm almost afraid to blink in case you disappear. Your eyes meet mine and lock. It is electric and instantaneous, a hypnotic connection. The laws of gravity seem to change in that moment and instead pull me towards you. This force is undeniable and I willingly succumb to its pull. One look in those captivating cerulean blue eyes will never be enough to sustain me. I will always need more.

I reach your side and settle on the bed next to you. I feel my heart start to race. You smile. That smile should come with a warning label, 'smile is hazardous to health – will cause extremely increased heart rate'. The speed of my heart is almost alarming, and yet I have never felt so alive.

You say something to me and I feel your gentle voice flow over me like warm honey. And even though I couldn't actually remember the words you just said, I was too busy feeling your words all over me, I want, no I _need_ to know more. We settle on my bed and begin to talk. There is no topic we don't cover. We talk about everything and nothing at all. It is always like this with you. It's like time has graciously stopped to allow you and I to have this moment. I hope it will never end.

As we talk I rest my hand on the bed between us and watch out of the corner of my eye as your hand inches across the bed towards mine. Finally, after an agonisingly slow wait, our fingers meet. You look at me, giving me the opportunity to pull away, which of course I never will.

You become bolder and grasp my hand in yours. Your soft hand melds perfectly in mine. I grin goofily down at our interlaced fingers and tighten my grip in yours.

We continue talking, still clutching each other's hands. I trace the smooth skin over your knuckles with my thumb. Just this simple act of holding you hand is more sensual and intimate that anything I have ever experienced with another. I mean I have been around the block a few times, if you know what I mean, but I have _never_ felt like this before. I feel as though I have known you always and you tell me you feel that same.

We talk until the sun has faded from the sky and the moon and stars seem to be shining just for you and me. It's amazing how right this feels, just being here with you talking and holding hands. You tilt your head and give me an amused smile, that's when I realise I've been staring at you. "What are you thinking?" You ask softly.

I take a moment before I answer, I fell drunk on your presence and forming a coherent answer is taking me a little while, "Um about you, as always," I said shyly looking down at our intertwined hands.

You giggle, "I never thought I'd see you being all shy, it's cute." My eyes snap up from their stare at our hands and look into your ocean eyes. I feel myself blush, and I never blush, my God what are you doing to me. You know what I don't care, whatever you're doing to me I hope you never stop.

You giggle again and slide closer to me on the bed. It's strange for most of our friendship and subsequent relationship I took the lead, I pushed you, challenged you and dared you to face what I hoped you felt for me and now I have you and I'm like a teenager with a crush. Ok so I am a teenager, but I'm meant to be the experienced one, the confident one and you are turning it all on its head.

You snuggle into me, laying you head on my shoulder and wrapping your arm around my waist. I snake my arms around you and pull your body against mine, burying my face in your soft hair. I breath in the scent of you, strawberry shampoo with a hint of cinnamon from your body wash. God I think I could stay like this forever if you'll let me.

From the moment I saw you I was hooked, one look in those cerulean eyes and I knew I was doomed. I was such a bitch to you but you are more kind and understanding than anyone should be and you gave me a chance. You stood by me and became my friend even when everyone was telling you not to. You choose me and didn't give a damn what the world thought. You are so brave and so strong.

I fell for you that day but didn't know it. It was the day at the beach when you told me you were gay, that was the moment I realised that I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you. There was just something about you the got me, hook line and sinker. When I wasn't with you I was thinking about you.

You had to take the lead in getting us together. For all my experience I felt like a complete idiot around you and I was so scared. I wanted you so desperately and I was so afraid to hurt you. I didn't know if I had it in me to be in a committed relationship. What I felt, and still feel, for you is stronger than anything I have ever experienced and that was seriously scary.

We got together and you gave yourself to me 100%, you held nothing back and hid nothing from me. I tried to be as open with you but it never came easy for me. Being with you was the most important thing in my life but I got scared and stupid. I hurt you time and time again. You were jealous of my ex-boyfriend and I gave you every right to be. I ran to him constantly and refused to open up to you. I flirted with him without really knowing I was. I started seeing that broken heartbreak in your eyes more and more and it caused me to pull away. I didn't know how to deal, how to make things better. I just couldn't bare the pain in your eyes. Then prom happened.

God prom. If there was any night I wish I could take back that would be it. We all lost so much that night. You lost your brother and I lost you. I bailed, I panicked. I had no idea how to be there for you, what to say or do to make things better. Instead of trying I did what I always do, I ran. Left you to deal on your own and I still don't know how you ever forgave me for that. I was such a selfish fool.

I came back from my summer vacation and stupidly hoped I could pick everything up where it had left off. I was an idiot. I finally got you to listen to me, got to hold you and kiss you again only to have to pull away. I had hurt you so badly and you knew we both needed time and space to sort ourselves out. You told me you loved me but that love was not enough. I didn't understand at the time but I do now. Love can't survive on its own. It needs to come together with trust, honesty, commitment and friendship. You walked away and it nearly crushed me. I did something stupid that night. I fell into the arms of him, with him it was always safe and predictable. I was so scared to be alone. I knew if I was I'd have to face all my faults and deal with how badly I had screwed everything up.

I remember the morning after you broke up with me and you saw me getting off his motorcycle. You knew right away what I had done, hell you knew before I did what I was going to do. The look on your face cut me. Deep. I felt like a total bitch and I couldn't see how I would ever get you to forgive me. I came to your house that night, a desperate attempt to win you back with a trip to Mexico. You of course refused and I don't blame you. You told me that you still loved me but that you had to figure out you life without me. It hurt to hear that. I told you I didn't want to lose you from my life and you said you couldn't be in my life the way that you were, it stung like a blow to hear that. I left soon after promising you I was never going to stop trying to get you back. Your face told me that you just couldn't believe me, not that I blamed you.

It took a long time, I tried to be better to show you I could be committed and finally I got you back. I got your Mom to go to the Pride Parade, I knew it would mean a lot to you to have her there and I knew it would mean a lot to your Mom too. I left you and your parents to have the day together and headed off for some press conference. I waited all day for you to call and was so happy when I saw your name on my caller id. We talked and you told me I was amazing. I had the biggest smile on my face. You told me to open my front door. I had butterflies the size of pelicans in my stomach. I opened the door to see you standing there in a trench coat and a grin that made my knees weak.

You didn't say a word you just opened you coat and let it slid down your body, revealing your nakedness. I smiled so much that my cheeks started to hurt, I didn't want to say anything to break the spell. You leaned in and kissed me and I finally felt whole again. You came in and I just stared as I watched you walk to my bedroom, being with you was all I ever wanted. I closed my front door and followed your steps to my room. You were standing beside my bed, head titled and a welcoming smile on your face. You opened your arms and I ran to you. You swept me up in a fierce embrace while kissing me ferociously. We stumbled backwards onto the bed, with me on top of you.

God the feeling of your body under mine was like coming home, like finally being where I belonged. You made quick work of the small amount of clothing I was wearing and finally we came together. That night was magic. It was silent and intense. I felt you move against me and inside of me and I felt like I was loosing my mind. I had to touch you, had to. There was no power on earth that could have stopped me from running my hands all over your breath-taking body. Our eyes were locked through each touch, tremble and each moment of bliss. Your cerulean eyes bore into my mocha ones and I saw the silent plea in them, begging me to never hurt you again. I made that promise to you that night and I will do everything in my power to keep it. I never want to see the broken look in your eyes again.

Waking up in your arms the next morning was like every birthday and all my Christmases wrapped up in one. I literally had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't just one of the dreams I had been having every night since you left me. It was real, I was awake and you were still there. It was indescribably wonderful. I was so happy, so beyond happy, that I couldn't stay still. I didn't want to disturb your sleep so I carefully got out of bed and tried to find things to occupy the time until you woke up. I have to admit I watched you sleep for a while. You are so beautiful and when you sleep you are completely serene and at peace. The world can't touch you, the pain I have caused you in the past can't touch you. Seeing you like that fills me with a calm that I had never felt until there was you.

You woke up and I have to admit I was so scared that you'd think it was a mistake and run from me again. But you didn't. You kissed me and I had never felt happier. You hurried off soon after, school beckoned and I had let you sleep until noon, but I could tell you had forgiven me and that we were going to be alright.

And so leads us to now. You and me sitting here on my bed in each others arms, together and more in love than ever before. I love you Spencer Carlin, forever and always.


End file.
